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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29031375">let's burn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/youwereamazing/pseuds/totherain'>totherain (youwereamazing)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Sports, M/M, ice hockey, inaccurate potrayals of sport, kind of ambigious relationship?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:15:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,880</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29031375</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/youwereamazing/pseuds/totherain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You were good out there.”</p><p>“I know. Uh, thanks.” <i> You too </i>, he almost says out of reflex but there’s no point in lying when they both know it’s just empty words. Wonwoo’s not that cruel. </p><p>Sometimes, he wonders how Soonyoung doesn’t resent people like him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Seventeen Holidays</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>let's burn</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <a href="https://17hols.dreamwidth.org/4520.html?thread=183976#cmt183976"> inspired by this 17hols prompt </a>
</p><p> </p><p>wrote this instead of studying. also its 1 am and i didnt proofread lol sorry for any mistakes! i also know absolutely Nothing abt hockey and also sports in general so the actual sports stuff is very inaccurate. </p><p>greetings go out to fredrik backman and beartown bc i am constantly thinking abt it and also kind of andrew minyard and his lack of passion for his sport and also <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28755810"> cheolsoo childhood friends to rivals to teammates </a> bc im also still thinking abt that</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wonwoo used to think that being good at something would be enough.</p><p>He likes being good at things because, honestly, who doesn’t? And he’s good at hockey. A natural, that’s what they call him. Wouldn’t it be a waste to not make use of that talent?</p><p>He thought that would be enough, enough to fulfil him, enough to make it worth the risk, the roughness, the effort. When he just started out, he’d told himself that he would eventually grow to love it. Once he’d make it into the junior team, he’d love it. Once he’d win medals, he’d love it. Once he’d get an offer from a pro team, he’d love it.  </p><p>Instead, his heart stays cold.  </p><p>When the coach shakes his hand and welcomes him to the junior team, he feels empty. His first medal, in all its shiny silver glory, is heavy around his neck and feels like it’s choking him. When they win the championship in the next season, he acts like he’s tired from the game at the party and gets drunk in a corner of the room.</p><p>They say passion is what turns a man into a hockey player. Wonwoo is merely a boy who plays hockey and he’s afraid that he’ll never be more.</p><p>While he looks at his loud teammates, arm in arm celebrating their victory, he holds onto the bottle of beer in his hand and the last bit of hope he has. Once he’d get an offer from a pro team, he’d love it. He’d stop feeling out of place, stop feeling like he’s wasting his life, stop feeling like a fraud. Once he’s on one of the big teams, he’ll become a hockey player.</p><p>His eyes dart over to Kwon Soonyoung on the other side of the room, loudest in the bunch and vice-captain of the team. He’s holding onto the championship trophy tightly, hugging it to his chest like a stuffed animal. Wonwoo wonders what would happen if someone tried to take it away from him. If he’d start crying again, like he did after they won the game. If he’d get angry, like he does when he gets frustrated on the ice. If he’d ever let go at all.</p><p>Soonyoung is still holding the trophy hours later, when Wonwoo and he are both in the line to the bathroom of Seungcheol’s house. When he notices Wonwoo behind him, he gives him a bright smile. “You were good out there.”</p><p>Ever since he started playing hockey, Wonwoo’s developed a complicated relationship with praise. Like everyone else, he soaks it up and longs for it as a confirmation that he genuinely is good. But he also despises it – despises what it means for him, his life, his future.</p><p>He never knows what to say, anyways. “I know. Uh, thanks.” <em>You too, </em>he almost says out of reflex but there’s no point in lying when they both know it’s just empty words. Wonwoo’s not that cruel.</p><p>Sometimes, he wonders how Soonyoung doesn’t resent people like him.</p><p>“There was a scout at the game tonight, “ Soonyoung tells him, overplaying the unsaid words between them. “He talked to Seungcheol.”</p><p>It’s rare, one of their players getting scouted by a big team. Only the best of the bests ever move away to bigger and better things. The good players move up to the town’s official team, playing in the regional league until they get too old and retire and need to find something else to fill their time. The bad players, once they turn 21 and are officially too old for the junior team, leave the ice behind.</p><p>Seungcheol is their captain, their star player. Born for the ice, honed during years and years of hard work and practice. He’s got the fire inside himself, the fire that makes him shine so much brighter than anyone else on the ice. Of course, he got scouted for a big team. National team, that’s where he’s heading, the people that know what they are talking about say.</p><p>Towards his dream, that’s where he’s heading, Wonwoo thinks. Rarely anyone is lucky enough for that.</p><p>“I’m happy for him, “ Wonwoo says. “So you’re going to be captain next season?”</p><p>Soonyoung looks towards the living room, where the rest of the team is celebrating and chanting about their victory. “I wish.”</p><p>Wonwoo doesn’t say anything else while they wait. When the door finally opens and a very drunk looking guy stumbles out, Soonyoung looks down at the trophy in his hands. “Here, “ he pushes it into Wonwoo’s hands. “Take this.”</p><p>So, Wonwoo guards the trophy while Soonyoung’s on the toilet, holding it carelessly in one of his hands, ready to give it back to Soonyoung when he comes back out. He doesn’t get the chance to, because Soonyoung never comes out. Instead, Wonwoo waits and waits with the trophy in his hand feeling like a heavy weight that’s dragging him down.</p><p>After maybe ten minutes, Yoon Jeonghan walks past and looks at the long line, then the closed door. “Is Soonyoung in there?” he asks Wonwoo carefully, his eyes darting over the trophy in his hand.</p><p>“Yeah. Has been for quite a while.”</p><p>Jeonghan pats his shoulder. “If you really need to pee, there’s another bathroom upstairs, first door on the right.”</p><p>Then he turns around and knocks on the bathroom door. “It’s me, “ he gently says against the wood of the door, so quiet Wonwoo can barely hear him over the noise of the party.</p><p>“What do I do with this – “ Wonwoo asks, holding up the trophy but Jeonghan doesn’t turn around, doesn’t seem to hear him and then the door opens and Jeonghan disappears and Wonwoo’s left with the trophy in his hand.</p><p>He doesn’t see Soonyoung or Jeonghan again. After going to the upstairs bathroom, he considers just putting the trophy somewhere or giving it to another player but it doesn’t feel right, not when Soonyoung gave it to him. Not when he remembers how closely Soonyoung was holding it to his chest earlier. He feels a sense of responsibility, now.</p><p>So Wonwoo carries it around all night, never dares looking at it, just tightly holds it in his hand. Where his skin touches the metal, it starts burning.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>With the season over, the summer break of their training rolls around and Wonwoo spends his weeks with his best friends Vernon and Minghao or holed up in his rooms playing games. Sure, he goes to the gym practically every day to stay in shape but he doesn’t skate, doesn’t go to the rink, barely thinks about hockey. During summer, Wonwoo thinks he can breathe.</p><p>And then practice starts again in early fall. There are changes to their line up – Seungcheol is gone, so are some of the older guys who’ve outgrown the team. But there’s new player to replace them, there always is. Soonyoung doesn’t become captain, stays vice-captain at the side of their new captain, Lee Jihoon. Still, he’s smiling brightly when he greets them all in the locker room. His grip on his stick is tight.</p><p>Somehow, the way he is as excited and happy to be here as always makes it worse.</p><p>Over the last two years, Wonwoo has built a routine – he comes in minutes before practice starts, barely enough time to change into his gear. He’s the last on the ice, the first off it. Never lingers long in the locker room, desperate to shower and leave again.</p><p>Soonyoung is his exact opposite. He’s known to be the first on the ice, the last one to leave. Long after everyone else has changed and gone home, he stays.</p><p>He’s already home, after all.</p><p>That day after the summer break, Wonwoo breaks his routine because his fingers tingle warmly. He’s still the first off the ice, the first to shower and change but when he’s about to leave, he can’t bring himself to do it. So he goes back to the rink, up into the stands, and just watches silently.</p><p>Soonyoung is fascinating. He’s all bright eyes and blinding smiles and bad jokes pressed out between laughter off ice. On ice, he transforms, moves around with ease, the kind of ease you only get after devoting your life to the ice, putting your trust and hours of work into it.</p><p>No one in their team loves hockey as much as Soonyoung does. Hell, Wonwoo thinks he’s never seen anyone love anything as much as Soonyoung loves hockey. He’s the kind of fanatic that people look down on and call crazy until they make it big, then it becomes glorious and admirable to be so in love with what you do.</p><p>But Soonyoung is just a crazy person that plays hockey. He stripped himself of every other purpose, dedicated his entire time and energy to the ice, lives hockey, breathes hockey, becomes hockey. Ice hockey is all he has, but his hold on it is slippery, wobbly, dangerous. It’s a little scary, watching someone setting themselves up for destruction.</p><p>Because sometimes, being passionate isn’t enough.</p><p>Wonwoo watches as Soonyoung stops skating around lazily and starts heading for the goal, firing at it with force. He misses.</p><p>Even if you give hockey your all, bleed it all out onto the ice, it’s not enough if you weren’t born for it. There’s only so much hard work can make up for.</p><p>But Soonyoung is stubborn. He keeps at it, lines up the puck again, tries again. He misses.</p><p>It’s frustrating, Wonwoo thinks. Being Soonyoung, wanting something so badly that you are ready to risk your life for it every day but not getting anything back. It’s sad, seeing him burn for something that will only ever give him a cold shoulder.</p><p>If Soonyoung spotted Wonwoo in the stands, he doesn’t say a word. Just practices. Gets off the ice eventually, drenched in sweat and Wonwoo stays behind and wonders how anyone can love hockey this much.</p><p>Wonwoo builds a new routine, returns to watch Soonyoung again and again. After a week, Soonyoung finally speaks up. He turns around to him, his voice echoing loud through the empty rink. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>What is he doing here? Wonwoo doesn’t know how to answer that so he doesn’t.</p><p>“Well, are you just going to watch or do you wanna practice with me?”</p><p>He stays quiet. Soonyoung takes that as an answer and returns to his practice, aims for the goal. Misses.   </p><p>And Wonwoo turns his back on him and leaves. He can’t bear looking at his failures from up here any longer.</p><p>Minutes later, he takes the ice, back in his gear, stick in his hand.</p><p>Soonyoung gives him a bright smile.</p><p> </p><p>It becomes a thing. Soonyoung and Wonwoo, staying behind together long past everyone else has left, practicing together.</p><p>If Wonwoo is honest, he’s never had so much fun on the ice before. During those few hours every week, he doesn’t have to try and be anything. There’s just Wonwoo and hockey and Soonyoung.</p><p>Soonyoung might not be a good player, but he isn’t a bad one either. He’s one of the better ones in their teams. It’s easy to see that he spent years on the ice, that he spent hard work to get where he is now and that he has the set determination to get better, go higher.</p><p>But there’s only so far you can get with love, even if you love as much and as deeply as Soonyoung does. Hockey needs more. It demands everything from you, demands your passion and sweat and blood, promises rewards if you give it your all. But it’s not enough. If you want hockey to give its all back to you, you need to be more.</p><p>Soonyoung isn’t.</p><p>In a way, Wonwoo’s heart breaks a bit more whenever he practices with Soonyoung. Because they both know that it won’t be enough to get him where he wants to go. There’s too much he lacks, stuff that can’t be taught in practice. Not to Soonyoung, at least.</p><p>“Why do you do it?” Soonyoung once asks in the locker room when they’re done practicing. “Play hockey, I mean.”</p><p>“Because I’m good at it.”</p><p>Soonyoung tilts his head. “That’s all?”</p><p>It’s not. There’s always more to it, always something that brought you to the ice and something that makes you come back again and again. There’s hundreds of reason Wonwoo plays hockey. In the end, it all comes down to that one though.  </p><p>“It’s all that matters.”</p><p>At that, Soonyoung nods, because he knows. He might be stupid enough to hold onto a dream that will never come true, but at least he knows.</p><p>“Why do you do it?” Wonwoo asks back when he’s already changed, ready to leave.</p><p>“Because I love it, “ Soonyoung says, says it like a tender love confession meant for his lover because that’s what it is. “I love hockey.”</p><p>That night, Wonwoo cries a bit for the boy who gave his entire heart to a sport that will never give anything back to him.</p><p> </p><p>They don’t become friends. There’s only hockey between them.</p><p>Wonwoo’s never cared too much about winning. He’s always wanted to win, of course, but winning makes him feel empty. It never makes him happy, only brings back all the guilt and doubt and fear he has.  </p><p>But Soonyoung loves winning. When they win, he skates around the rink so fast that eyes can barely follow him, he screams, sometimes he cries and then he wraps his arms around Wonwoo and gives him the brightest smile. And for the first time, Wonwoo starts to long for victories.  </p><p>The more time he spends practicing with Soonyoung, the more he feels like he has a reason to be on the ice, like he can grow to love hockey after all. It’s impossible to fall in love with a guy like Soonyoung and not fall in love with hockey as well.</p><p>Wonwoo rises. He starts getting praised more and more by their coach, performs better during games, becomes the new star player of the team. He owes it all to Soonyoung, but he can’t tell anyone that. Not when Soonyoung keeps getting scolded, spends more and more time on the bench during games, less and less time on the ice.</p><p>Soonyoung never says anything either, never lets his emotions slip. He just tightens his grip on his stick and tries again, no matter how many times he misses.</p><p> </p><p>Their team wins the championship again. This time, Wonwoo is sitting next to Soonyoung at the party, the trophy between them.</p><p>Last year, Seungcheol was scouted during the final. This year, it’s Wonwoo. He isn’t entirely sure how he feels about it but at least his heart doesn’t feel cold, doesn’t feel empty.</p><p>“Don’t you hate me?” he asks Soonyoung when he’s slightly drunk, when no one else pays attention to them.</p><p>Soonyoung looks at him and smiles slightly. “I wish. I wish I could. Maybe I kind of do hate you.”</p><p>Wonwoo nods because he gets it. He kind of hates himself as well – for the same reason that Soonyoung does. But also because he’s just as much of a fool as Soonyoung is. That’s something that they share now – they both fell in love with something that will never love them back.</p><p>“That’s okay, “ he says.</p><p>Soonyoung puts his hand on the trophy, gently, grazing over it with his fingertips lightly. “I kind of hate hockey too.” There’s no hatred in his voice, though. Only love.  </p><p>Oh. Wonwoo studies Soonyoung’s expression. “You do?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Their eyes meet and Wonwoo understands. The only thing between them is hockey.</p><p>“Let’s meet on the ice again someday, “ Soonyoung says.</p><p>Wonwoo closes his eyes because he knows that won’t happen. “Soonyoung…”</p><p>He just lets out a sigh and gets up. “It’s okay.” Then he walks away and Wonwoo looks after him as he throws his arm around one of their teammates and puts a smile on his face, diving back into the celebration.</p><p>Wonwoo’s left behind with the trophy. He holds onto it tightly.  </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Time passes, years pass. Jeon Wonwoo is a hockey player.</p><p>Sometimes, he’s still filled with doubts, fears, regrets. Thinks that he’s wasted his entire life on this, on hockey. Feels empty when he looks at his teammates grinning after a victory. It’s probably not something that will ever leave him entirely but he’s dealing with it.</p><p>Now, Wonwoo looks up to the stands and sees Soonyoung, jumping up and down and smiling brightly, cheering on the team. Because even though his dream was shattered, he is still ready to give hockey his everything, pour his heart out for it. There’s no place for regret when you love something as much as Soonyoung loves hockey. He’ll take whatever it gives him.</p><p>God, Wonwoo wishes he was up there right now. He wishes Soonyoung was in his place, star player of the team, ready to take the ice by storm, taking everything that hockey is giving to Wonwoo.</p><p>But he’s down here and Soonyoung is up there. Life works in mysterious ways, but hockey doesn’t.</p><p>Being passionate isn’t enough. Being good isn’t enough.</p><p>But if someone sets you on fire, you can burn.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading!! come find me on <a href="https://twitter.com/ahlovesc"> twt! </a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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